After reading Dr. John Gottman’s book ‘The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work” I was struck with the section he calls, ‘who am I?”
Knowing yourself is crucial to developing in your personal growth.
I encourage you to sit down and thoroughly answer each of the questions listed below (if you’re not married there are only three questions that won’t pertain to you).
What in life am I particularly proud of?
How have these successes shaped my life?
How have they affected my goals and the things I strive for?
What role does pride play in my life?
Did my parents show me they were proud of me? How?
Was affection readily expressed in my family?
What role does pride in my accomplishments play in my marriage?
How do I show pride in my spouse?
What difficult events or periods have I gone through?
Physiological insults or injuries you have sustained? Losses, disappointments, trials, tribulations. Stress and duress, quieter periods of despair, hopelessness, and loneliness. Deep trauma – harmful relationships, humiliating events.
How have I survived these traumas? What are their lasting effects?
How did I strengthen and heal myself? How did I revive and restore myself?
How did my family express the following when I was a child?
Interest in one another
What is my philosophy on expressing feelings?
What differences exist between me and my spouse in the area of expressing emotion?
Imagine standing in a graveyard looking at your own tombstone. What does the epitaph say? Begin with: “Here lies…”
Write your own obituary.
How do you want people to think of your life, to remember you?
Describe the person you want to become.
How can I best help myself become that person?
What struggles have I already faced?
What demons in myself have I had to fight?
What dreams have I denied myself or failed to develop?
What do I want my life to be like in five years?